Game Show - Things I think about in the shower #10

This idea came to me while I took a shower and ruminated about my son and how he needs to get a job...

My idea for an American game show : “RANK! THAT! GUILT!”

BOB THE HOST: Hello everyone! Welcome to “Rank that Guilt!” Let’s meet our contestants. He’s a 27-year-old software consultant from Chicago, meet Scout Patel-Khan-Williams!

SCOUT: Glad to be here, Bob!

BOB: And she’s a 27-year-old blogger from Manhattan, meet Opal Lee-Marin-Smith!

OPAL: Glad to be here, Bob!

BOB: Last we have a 27-year-old graphic designer from San Francisco, meet Casey Zhang-Kowalski-Johnson!

CASEY: Whatever.

BOB: Okay contestants. First question. Which one of the following should make you feel guilty and why? 1. Driving your Dodge Durango to work three blocks away, 2. eating take-out every single day for lunch when you could have just made yourself something, or 3. still living with your parents when you are 27?


BOB: No one? How about you, Scout?

SCOUT: I mean, I don’t drive to work. I work from home. Well, my parent's’ home.

OPAL and CASEY: Me too!

SCOUT: And I’m a vegan

OPAL and CASEY: Me too!

OPAL: <buzz> It’s the food thing because eating makes you produce greenhouse gases.

BOB: That is incorrect!

CASEY: <buzz> Cheeseburgers because cattle production has such a big carbon footprint.

BOB: Incorrect!

SCOUT: <buzz> Driving because cars cause climate change.

BOB: You are all wrong. The answer is “living with your parents” should make you feel the most guilty because the first two have little to nothing to do with you.

OPAL: Hey, Manhattan is expensive!

BOB: Next question: Which should make you feel the most guilty: 1: The systematic destruction of Native American culture by settlers in the 1700s, 2: being born into a family that could afford to give you a decent childhood education, or 3: choosing to live in a ridiculously expensive city when you clearly work from your parents’ house and could literally live in a swamp as long as it had internet service?

OPAL: <buzz> The Native American one because genocide?

BOB: Well, the destruction of indigenous peoples is horrific, but you weren’t around for that one, so that is incorrect.

SCOUT: <buzz> Having elitist parents that spent money on private elementary school because they should have used that money for charity or fostering another kid?

BOB: No, I’m sorry. Once again, that was totally out of your control and therefore does not warrant guilt on your part. Casey?

CASEY: I’m sorry I was looking at my phone, what?

BOB: Alrighty then. The answer was 3. Choosing to live in a ridiculously expensive city when you clearly work from home and could literally live in a swamp as long as it had internet service.

SCOUT: But my parents live in the Chicago Gold Coast and the shopping is amazing!

BOB: Ah. So your parents came from a long line of financially independent millionaires?

SCOUT: No, they were first generation immigrants whose families started their own small businesses and worked hundred hour weeks and eventually became successful and invested their money well.

OPAL and CASEY: Me too!

BOB: …aaaaaaand we come to our final round. Everyone grab those pens. Which of the following should make you personally feel the most guilty about and why? 1: Realizing you used to be an idiot. 2: Spending money you earn on yourself. 3: Not voting.

<30 seconds of music>

BOB: Alright let’s see what you wrote. Opal?

SCOUT: Spending money on myself. I should send all my money to charity.

BOB: That is incorrect. Sending a percentage of your earnings to charity is a great idea, but you deserve to enjoy the money you earn. Maybe spend that money on an apartment for yourself! Or take an online course in investing! Opal, what did you write?

OPAL: About how I used to be an idiot and did a lot of stupid things when I was young.

BOB: Incorrect again. The question was about being an idiot, not about past actions.

OPAL: Now I feel guilty for never listening carefully.

BOB: That’s because like everyone else, you are still an idiot. What did you write, Casey?

CASEY: I wrote I feel guilty for existing.

BOB: I see. Well, I’m sorry you’ve all gotten it wrong. The answer was “Not voting”


BOB: That’s all the time we have for today. Remember to find some roommates so you can leave your parents alone so they can have some peace and quiet and get in a little sex before they die. Stay tuned for “People dress up in Sports Mascot outfits and you guess who they are by their extremely generic singing!”

[BOB waves at the camera]

So… there you go. Now get off my lawn!

Norwegian phrase of the day:

Gretten gammel dame = Grumpy old lady

Now get off my lawn!

Mars & Climate Change: Things I think about in the shower # 2

When I was a kid I really wanted to be an astronaut and in those days, according to my dad (no internet to check in those days), I should first join the Air Force.  My mother, who had decided before my birth that I would be a doctor, told me I was too tall to be in the Air Force.  Again, no internet, so I took her word for it.

The point is that I really think the idea of colonizing the moon or Mars is an awesome idea. There's no arguing that our space program has brought a spectacular number of new inventions and other benefits to our race.  And I loved the Red Earth - Blue Earth- Green Earth Kim Stanley Robinson trilogy, are you kidding me?  Awesome.

But all I hear about on the news is about how current climate change will turn the planet into a fiery lava storm in the next 50 years (okay, I've only read the destruction of planet Earth scenario in a few particularly bonkers websites; at worst it would be an extinction event, one that would likely be survived only by cockroaches and Wonder Bread).  So why is the message: "We need to colonize Mars because Earth will be uninhabitable soon" instead of, "Hey guys, let's fix Earth!"

Shower thought:  Let's use the Mars money to cool the earth, THEN go to Mars later.

I realize most efforts are rightly spent now on prevention of man-made climate change (although according to Hank Green even if we all drop dead today the planet is still going to warm up according to ocean bottom sampling), why not work on a solution too?  I've seen a few space-related ideas about cooling the planet like putting up webs in orbit to block some sun or encouraging plant growth to suck up carbon dioxide. 

The main complaint about curative methods is they are expensive.  But isn't terraforming Mars going to be expensive? 

Maybe it's all because I am a mom:  "Sorry, kid, but you can't go have fun on Mars until you've cleaned up your room."

PS:  Here's an interesting graph (link) I found about the cyclic change of planetary temperature according to ice core samples.  So if modern human Adam and Eve were born around 150-200,000 years ago, and the oldest hand cave paintings were 40,000 years ago, YAY HUMANS for surviving the super low temperatures. Go Team Caveman!

Today's Norwegian Vocabulary Word: fartsgrensen
  Pronounced: (yarn-ih-cheer-oolg).
   (Translation: speed limit)
Exercise: Use "fartsgrensen" in a sentence:
Example: Fartsgrensen er tretti miles per time.
   (The speed limit is thirty miles per hour)